What If My Fall Wasn't Enough to Kill Me?
by whatever-works81
Summary: A Bartimaeus trilogy fanfic. What happens if Nathaniel manages to escape from dying after the building falls on him? A KittyXNathaniel fic. It was GOING to be serious, I swear, but then they got a little crazy; that's just the way they are.
1. Not Enough

Bartimaeus Trilogy

What happens if Nathaniel isn't really dead?

This fic complies with all canon, except Nathaniel somehow doesn't die when the building falls on him.

Enjoy!

And hello, if I owned it, would I be writing this? No, I'd have put it in the BOOKS! Duh.

Set: After the last book.

Characters: the new Prime Minister Nathaniel, Kitty

Pairings: Duh, Kithaniel a.k.a. Kitty X Nathaniel

* * *

The new (unaware that he was Prime Minister) Prime Minister of England woke up in an unfamiliar room. But as his vision sharpened, he could see it was the same four-poster bed, the same walls, same painting, dresser, doors, everything that made his house his house. So why would it feel so different this morning in particular? Then he saw. A letter had been pushed under the bedroom door.

* * *

_Dear Nathaniel,_

_Glad you're awake! How are you? I recently found out that you are the new Prime Minister. Good on you! But you __were__ the obvious choice, anyone could see. Still so pigheaded? Don't ever change._

_You know, you've been out for a couple of weeks now, so everyone's worried, but I made sure to slip this under the door before you woke up. So it's the first thing you've seen out of the ordinary, a __very__ good first thing for you to see. You remember what happened, right? To keep you down for that long is something even __I__ can't do, and I'm worried there may be some effect on your memory. Ha, ha, only joking. _(A/N: Lols for JK!)

_Look, I'd like to talk with you later. Can you meet me in the Prime Minister's box at the theater I almost died in? I wouldn't ask if it weren't important. You of all people should know that. _

_See you at 5:30,_

_Kitty_

After the shock of his new-discovered power had faded (Was it a trick? Just some cruel joke?) Nathaniel strode to the theater, slouching slightly in his disguise and pulling his coat collar as high as it would go. If he were recognized, there could be mobs or assassination attempts. New Prime Minister... Come to think of it, what if Kitty's letter were a fake? Maybe he was walking blindly into a trap. And how had Kitty gotten into his house? There was an awkward thought if he ever heard one. Why had he not thought of this sooner? **Oh, yeah, a building fell on me...** But he was almost there, and really was a pighead, so he decided to go anyway.

* * *

(A/N: Does he seem that type to throw caution to the winds after surviving having a building falling on him? Seems that way to me…)

* * *

**I wonder how he'll react...** This was the main thought in Kitty's mind as she waited for Nathaniel to enter his new box - the one at the theater where Makepeace's hostile takeover had begun, where her life had almost ended in a flash of green. She wanted to pace in her nervousness, feeling like a caged leopard, but forcing herself to sit still, to watch the curtained entrance, _just in case_...

* * *

Nathaniel began to worry about what Kitty wanted. What if something bad had happened to her? What if she wanted to relive that night, talking it painfully out and asking if he wanted to be a martyr? What if...? But there was no time for that. He had arrived.

* * *

Just as Kitty was about to give up and go home for the eighth day in a row, the curtain suddenly twitched aside. She was about to attack when...

"Kitty!"

"Nathaniel?"

"I'm here! Where's that letter…? I must have left it in my room. Now, what did you want to talk about?" (A/N: Lols for directness!)

"Well, after all that we went through...um, after that whole terse battle situation...er, well, what did that night mean to you?"

"It meant...well,..."

"Go ahead, say it! It meant nothing! You only pretended to care about me because I was a good pawn! You were only nice to me because I was useful! You don't feel about me the way I feel about you! You're the most arrogant, stubborn, insensitive, idiotic, kind, caring, sweet, and handsome man I've ever met I'm starting to cry and I...I...I love you! And I don't care anymore that you don't feel the same way!"

"On the contrary...I can't deny how I feel any longer. You are the most argumentative, violent, cruel, intelligent, self-sufficient, beautiful girl I have ever even seen, and I want you to know now, more than ever. I felt like this ever since you spared my life in that alley! (A/N: Lols for masochistic Nathaniel!) But being with me would be too dangerous for you-"

"Oh, don't pull the chivalrous act anymore. You know as well as I do that I can defend both of us better than you can defend yourself. I'll be fine! Unless you have any _more_ objections...?"

"Kitty, nothing would make me happier than being with you. It's probably a bit soon, but I was going to ask eventually anyway...will you marry me?"

(A/N: WTF? They only started being in love 2 weeks ago and for most of that time Nathaniel's been unconscious?! GAH! Well, it is my story.)

Kitty promptly fell over in shock.

(A/N: See? I knew it was a bad idea, I told him so!)

Nathaniel moved to help her up, tripped over her legs, and landed with a hand on the floor on either side of her head, their noses almost touching. He looked stunned, but nothing could compare to what happened next: Kitty lifted her lips to his, then whispered, "Yes, but only if you get off me. Anybody could have found that letter and come to make sure I wasn't murdering you! You look like you want a scandal."

The word "Scandal" woke him up, as it would any politician.

"Oh, right..."

"Good, now let's go face the world."

* * *

Thank you so much to anyone who R&Rs. I'm sure someone will ask, "Where's Bartimaeus?" Well, he was taking a bath. Deal with it.

Oh, and flames are hilarious, so I don't care if you send them.

*This chapter has been heavily edited! Yay!!!*


	2. Still More Unconventional Behavior

**Still More Unconventional Behavior**

*A/N: Ch. 1 has been HEAVILY edited for reasons of flow.*  
(B POV)

* * *

  
I was the best man at their wedding, causing mass whispers about the soundness of mind of a certain Prime Minister. _After all, how sane can you be when you tried to become a martyr by crushing yourself under a building? _they ran (something along those lines; I didn't really notice).

I was summoned as a friend, with no commands made, no limitations given on my attire but that it had to be a suit.

And tie.

Whatever.

Despite that, I wanted this to be special for them, two of the only three people to ever trust me with their well-being.

The guise I chose was Ptolemy, for it felt right that he should be there in some way.

But for once, I imagined him as an adult, strong and tall, but as wise and reasonable as the day we met.

In a way, I suppose I was moving on.

And it was certainly clear that Nathaniel would strengthen the country even beyond Gladstone's wildest dreams with the chance Ptolemy never had.

* * *

I think it's done now… I guess Bartimaeus just demanded inclusion in the story, so here he is, surprisingly serious.

I beta-d this by myself because I don't trust anyone else - and I'm currently active!  
(Lols for shameless self-advertising!)


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